RELATIONSHIPS

Relationships are complex and they are everywhere. Relationships to friends, colleagues, partners, children, parents, online acquaintances, and even yourself. The list goes on. 

Have you ever paused to ask yourself, “Are my relationships nourishing me, or do they make me feel drained? Why does this relationship feel like a drag and this other feels so invigorating?”

We get into relationships because of circumstance: work, similar interests, our kids’ activities. Rarely do we stop to think about the people in our lives. Let’s try an exercise: 

Get a pencil and paper. Take a deep breath,then slowly exhale. Once more… slow inhale and slow exhale. Think about your relationships. Pick 3 relationships you’d like to examine. [I suggest you do not start with a partner or parent/caregiver(s)].  What are the first two words that come to mind when you think of each person? What are the pros and cons of each relationship? What do you put into the relationship? What do you get back?

If you have mostly positive, warm or neutral feelings about a relationship - great. Ask yourself, How am I showing up in this relationship? Is there anything more I want to bring to it? Is there more I would like in return? How can I ask for that?  

(Side note: recognize that there may be more you want to add, but maybe right now your life doesn’t have much wiggle room. Life is ever changing and our ability to participate in relationships changes as well.) 

If you have mostly negative, drained, depleted or frustrated feelings about one of the relationships you chose to examine - also great. You’ve identified that - In its current state - this relationship is not serving you. What about this relationship isn’t working? 

Often the reason relationships feel bad is because we are not setting and/or holding clear  boundaries. Boundaries are guidelines of how you want others to treat you. When you clearly define these lines, it helps others understand how to respect us and enhances our ability to respect ourselves.